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RUFFVIEW | DEAN ON LOCATION @ PITBULL

PITLOL

WARNING: DEAN WAS NOT SENT BY US, DEAN DOES LOVE PITBULL

As I entered a packed Rod Laver Arena last night, I was convinced that I had accidently stumbled into the set of Fat Pizza… unfortunately it was the Melbourne show of the notorious Mr. Worldwide AKA – Pitbull.

Surrounded by more V-necks and tribal tattoos than I could poke a stick at, I settled at the back of the general admission section ready to take on one of the most obscure reviews I’d done so far.

Having missed Timomatic & DJ Havana Brown (*sob*), I managed to just catch international sensation Taio Cruz. And what a pleasure he was. Opening with the chart topper ‘Hangover’, the crowd instantly went insane and fell for every drab, clichéd lyric the singer produced. Surprisingly, Cruz exceeded my expectations by actually singing about 60% of his set. It was honestly like watching someone do karaoke, only much more annoying. My favourite moment was during the song ‘Without You’, in which Cruz did not actually sing one word – instead took the microphone away from his face and let the backstage DJ take over… What a true performer he is. His choice to close the set with the same song he opened with was also a magnificent highlight.

With my mind completely blown by true pop talent, I struggled to find away to comprehend how Pitbull could possibly top an already amazing night.

The man himself entered on to the stage, greeted by a packed Rod Laver Arena screaming at the top of their lungs. He immediately launched into one of his terrible songs I couldn’t give two fucks about & the crowd continued to go wild. I’m not sure if it was the constant wearing of the sunglasses, the hideous silk black shirt or the smug smile into the audience after every song – but something made me want to punch this talentless douchebag straight between the eyes.

The most entertaining thing about his whole set were the three guys who looked like they’d emerged straight from the cast of Malcolm In The Middle, tearing the dance floor a new asshole. That was about as good as it got. I’d love to state my opinion on the rest of Pitbull’s set, but I ended up bailing and going to a titty bar instead – which I rated a 4/5.

By Dean Valentino

 

How to make a Pitbull song

Step 1:Speak a little bit of Spanish

Step 2.Name a few Countries

Step 3.Name a few people

Step 4.And say Mr. Worldwide

CONGRATS YOU JUST MADE A PITBULL SONG!!!!

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